Alchemical Hypnotherapist| Intuitive|Reiki Practitioner
Melanie received a Bachelor of Science in Business Management & Communications at the University of Tennessee in 2004. She was also certified as an Alchemical Hypnotherapist by the Atlanta Alchemical Academy. Melanie is Reiki II certified and well versed in natural remedies and spiritual practices
SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED
Up until a few years ago, I had been sick for my entire adult life. Almost as far back as I can remember, I had some "issue" and was afflicted with multiple, chronic illnesses in varying capacities.
My body was overwhelmed by toxins- toxic medications and toxic thoughts about myself and others. I felt miserable and tried to numb the pain with pure avoidance (my primary coping mechanism). It took many forms: drugs, shopping, romantic distractions and desperately trying to maintain a facade of perfection. I couldn't sit still or be alone with my thoughts. I ran around all day until it was time to sleep- the highlight of my day.
I never actually felt normal. For nearly 20 years, I had long bouts of extreme illness which culminated in seizures and throwing up or dry heaving. My joints hurt and I had anxiety/depression among other symptoms like pleurisy, lesions, chronic pain, intermittent mobility challenges and chronic infections. It started in high school when I would become so nauseous that I would go days without eating. This wasn't anorexia and I wasn't trying to find control in a seemingly uncontrollable situation. I was just so nauseated that I didn't want to hear people talk about food, look at food and definitely didn't want to smell it either! Eating had become a laborious affair. This in itself is something that is difficult for most people to relate to unless you struggled with recurring auto immune conditions.
By the time I was in college, my constant nausea was accompanied by seizures. In the beginning, I would pass out and wake up with no memory of where I was or how I had gotten there. As time went on, I would experience an overwhelming feeling of "doom" as a precursor to the vomiting and seizures, which was actually a blessing in disguise - it acted as an internal warning system to alert me that I had an episode coming on. And lets be honest, if you're having an awful "doom" feeling with your head in a toilet... you're not out driving around or in a unsafe environment.
Initially the doctors dismissed me, stating that I was simply having anxiety attacks. But in time, the seizures and vomiting controlled almost every aspect of my life. After college I had time to start trying to find someone or something that would help me to function like a normal adult. For at least a two year period, I saw many doctors but never got anywhere. I cried on the drive home from EVERY appointment as the futile cycle continued. Doctors either didn't believe me or had no clue what was wrong with me-usually it was the former. I even had one neurologist here in Atlanta accused me of being a hypochondriac and wasting his time. I started finding reasons to blame myself for this situation and begin to think I actually was crazy. I was having multiple seizures a day and would go a week without eating. I looked emaciated and was afraid to leave the house. When the seizures increased in frequency and became more violent; the "doom" was so awful that I would have surely blown out the back of my head if I didn't reassure myself that it would stop eventually. What seemed liked hours to me would usually be a matter of minutes to whomever was around timing the ordeal. Usually I would hide as my seizures seemed to cause anyone watching to freak out which in turn just made my "doom" worse.
By my late 20s, I was married but felt completely alone. I was unable to work, so my family sent me to the Mayo Clinic. After six weeks of testing, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and an auto-immune condition. However, the doctors were still arguing about if I actually had a seizure disorder or not. Finally when a seizure specialist witnessed one of my episodes; he determined that I had ictal vomiting from a seizure disorder. I was diagnosed with temporal lobe epilepsy (TLE) after a further review of an EEG. Many neuroscientists have nicknamed the right temporal lobe as the "god spot" as it is often associated with mystical experiences of both ecstasy and agony. Unfortunately, I had the latter variety which created very bizarre symptoms including the "doom" I frequently felt. I even had spells where I would hallucinate or hear things that didn't exist. Think Vincent Van Gogh and Fyodor Dostoyevsky type experiences (two famous temporal lobe epileptics).
At this point in my life I was carrying a laundry list of diagnoses including:
Systemic Lupus affecting my central nervous system
Fibromyalgia
Temporal Lobe Epilepsy (TLE)
Raynaud’s Syndrome
Endometriosis
Rosacea
Ovarian Cysts
Irritable Bowl Syndrome
During my early 30s, I was taking an excess of 20 prescriptions pills a day and just felt worse and worse. My hair was falling out and my body was frail and weak. I was sick everyday- physically, mentally and emotionally ill. I had a difficult time looking in the mirror and detested having my picture taken. It was just a constant reminder of how much things had changed and who I was really becoming as a person-increasingly ill.
THE BREAKING POINT
Then came the family crisis that took me to the deepest and lowest point of my life. My grandmother, my best friend and the greatest blessing of my life, died in a way that was deeply troubling for me. In the process of the family strife, I lost my entire extended, close-knit family-which was very important to me as an only child. I only continued the relationship with my parents. Although it had been building for some time, things feel apart in what seemed like a matter of days and before I knew it my grandmother had passed.
Suddenly, I experienced the worst physical pain of my life. Excruciating nerve pain radiated down my left leg to the bottom of my foot. I spent an entire week on the sofa, in so much pain that I couldn't even seek help. During this period, I was driven to tears by the sheer thought of getting up to let the dog out. All I could do was order a wheelchair on rush shipping. I sat up on the couch struck by the reality of what had just happened. Even after all my years of physical adversity I was now 36 years old an unable to walk.
I felt completely and utterly alone during the darkest days. Whom in my life could say they had been there? Who could I call? No one. I got tired of taking advice, direction or encouragement from people- that from my perspective- hadn't experienced any significant suffering in their lives. It was like a sober person showing up to preach resiliency to a bunch of alcoholics struggling at an AA meeting.
I further isolated and sank into the absolute worst cycle of anxiety and depression that I had ever known. Luckily, I only required the wheelchair for a couple of months. My perspective on everything was completely distorted. I started planning my suicide- in detail. I wanted to go in the easiest way possible for those left to find me. However, one thing gave me the motivation to keep living: Cesar, my miniature pinscher. Who could I trust to take care of him after I was gone? No one.
I felt betrayed by everything in life that I had been told to trust:
1) family
2) doctors and the medical profession as a whole
3) friends that didn't stay around during the long term darkness
I’ve often heard and now repeat to those I share this experience that, “hope is the nature of life”. If that is true and I believe to be; even more so since years have passed. I was completely hopeless in anything getting better. I had fallen down a dark well without the ability to climb out. I eventually gained the strength to walk again and the nerve pain began to subside. The emotional trauma would take considerably longer to heal.
Looking back, it had all the qualities of what people refer to as “rock bottom”. There is something else I heard after this period in my life that explains what happened next. “Sometimes a person has to be completely and totally broken to allow enough room to let spirit come through”.
THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED
Check back soon for more on how I raised up from the ashes like a phoenix into my spiritual path towards healing and happiness.
The Towne Lake Office is closed. We are now serving South Central Kentucky. Melanie is renovating the Baker homestead located near Dale Hollow Lake. Remote services are still available